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Sobriety and Life

The day I realized I have had enough

Usual day

Tuesday morning. I woke up 6:20 AM, as usual. Hangover and feeling like s***t – also – as usual. But this morning is somehow… not sure how, but it is different. I am feeling worse than usual. Not physically, but mentally. I am unusually down, depressed. What is wrong with me?… I have to drink less… 

So, I go to work. Trying to look productive, but – of course – I am not. With no success, I’m trying to reflect, what is wrong with me today. I hope, that gym (I started going to the gym a week ago), would clear my mind. I go there during my lunch break. So I’m waiting… 09 am… 10 am…. 11 am… 11:30 am – gym time. 

“It”

I’m standing up and going to a gym, it’s a 5-minute walk from the office. Usual 25-minute treadmill cardio, and 35-minute weights workout. I believe I feel a bit better. So I’m back at the office and, because I stopped eating breakfast two weeks ago, I feel hungry so I’m taking the elevator down to the canteen. Some food is in front of me, but I don’t feel hungry anymore. My hands started shaking. I am sweating. Here IT is… Not again…